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James Bond's Parade


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"...each movie starring 007 is always a great opportunity of product placement"

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Roberto Dondi
Word processing, html programming and the ropes 
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Archive 2000::01

James Bond's Parade
or Pussy Pussy Bang Bang

(INTRO) At the age of 44 Ian Fleming wrote Casino Royale, the first of the novels featuring the Secret Agent 007, later the spy film archetype. This page is a marketing memorandum of this fictional icon, who has been living on the edge of near-death experiences from the Cold War until the Global Warming Era.

SET1 Number 007
Champion at the box office, each movie starring 007 is always a great opportunity of product placement. That is when a branded product is placed inside a filmed story, so that the audience can recognize it. The products used by a character as famous as 007 benefit from his glamorous style of life and get highly acknowledgement of status symbol. Latest 007 highlights follow now!
  • Name: James Bond
  • Employer: British Secret Intelligence Service
  • Mission: Works at the service of Her Majesty
  • Fighting style: Expert in hand-to-hand combat; usually armed with a special pistol and myriad futuristic weapons
  • Vehicle: Drives Aston Martin DB5
  • Dress style: Favors Brioni suits, Armani shirts, Versace sunglasses, Omega wristwatch
  • Hobby: Gambling, beautiful females and martinis --As we know him today, but some details may differ from the original one's preferences, so be aware of the sentences signed as 100% Fleming's guaranteed...

CASINO ROYALE. «The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning». This is how we learned to overcome our fear and love James Bond, often sick and tired of the stressing espionage adventures but always under control. May you live to see the dawn! www.007.com.
HOT WHEELS. We could dispute about the supremacy among the British cars driven by Bond, but the controversy suggested from his real choice -- Bentley on the novel vs. Aston Martin on the movie -- is not important here. Too much curiosity would kill the fans! Play with www.hotwheels.com.
POKER? «The object of the game is to hold two or three cards which together count nine points, or as nearly nine as possible». Like a star in a Poker World Series, Bond is a cool guy always ready to place his cards on the table... but the real game is Baccarat, not Poker... and his real work is making a profit and possibly doubling the working capital provided by the headquarters. www.pokerstars.com launches Moneymaker Millionaire Tournaments.
GOOD NUMBER AND GOOD LUCK! After all Bond is just a number, a Double-O. An employee by the British Defence Ministry, whose success depends largely from the funds given away by the Treasury. In his first adventure his opponent has been named Le Chiffre with aliases 'The Cipher' or 'The Number' in different languages, that is a scary evil that he's noted with no Christian names! The impotence in the destiny of the counterpart is underlined by such and other details. A wonderful nine of hearts served to Bond and that man will reach the point of no return... Well, who is then 3030? Go to www.3030.co.uk or read on...
THE VESPER. A dry martini made of three parts of Gordon's, one of Vodka, half a part of Kina Lillet. Served ice-cold with a lemon-peel... «This drink's my own invention. I'm going to patent it when I can think of a good name». And vodka must be made with grain, www.skyy.com.
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT. Bond is back and as the intrepid secret agent enters the Casino Royale on his first mission as 007 the stakes are perilously high. Will his impenetrable demeanour and tactical moves be enough to break the concentration of his notorious opponent 'Le Chiffre' and beat him at the poker table? As the intrigue unfolds James Bond knows that apart from his instinct, his only ally on this arduous assignment he can trust implicitly, is the precision and accuracy of his Seamaster Professional 300 M complete with the exclusive OMEGA Co-Axial movement. Original text from www.omegawatches.com.
DR. NO. Strong consumer of Morland cigarettes and Veuve Clicquot champagne during his first adventure, Bond likes to smoke and drink quite a lot in his hard day's night. And strangely he won't use such a famous lighter as www.zippo.com. No placement for that name in flame!
PS. My dear Bond, drink or drive. You decide!
PPS. My dear Bond, smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy.
SOUNDTRACK. MGM means great movies, and great music... Tom Jones and Shirley Bassey and Sir Paul McCartney should be enough in a list too long to remember. These three artists are icons of the British pop music, aren't they? Hokey, we shall read music magazine www.mojo4music.com.
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. «'A promise is a promise,' she said. This time they both knew what the promise was». (Almost) as famous as the leading spy, the Bond girl is a supporting character, whose role is aiming to revive the hero and reward him for the hard job well done. Secrets and lies usually surround the girl, whose name already sounds like a promise, eg. Domino, Pussy, Kissy... Eyescapes gallery on www.rankin.co.uk.
While Bond girls changed every time, at London's headquarters a smiling private secretary was always the same... «Miss Moneypenny would have been desiderable but for eyes which were cool and direct and quizzical».
FROM RUSSIA WITH... ...ether music and espionage. Theremin is a very unusual instrument invented by a Russian cellist, that produces the very sound of electricity. That spooky musical effect has been used to communicate the same disquiet a secret agent feels in his turbolent lifespan. Was Leon Theremin a spy powered by USSR? Visit www.thereminworld.com.
SPECTRA. Any new actor playing the role of 007 has been framed by the specter of pale imitation, so that every time a well known voice seems to nag: 'You shoulda been there when the Bond girl emerged from the ocean wearing on swim-wet bikini'. British swimsuit at www.speedo.com.
FAB FOUR. The critics like to draw up the charts of the actors alternating in playing this role since 1962. The outcome is always the same, in order of importance: 1. Sean Connery, a Scotchman; 2. Roger Moore, an Englishman; 3. Pierce Brosnan, an Australian?; 4. Daniel Craig, an Englishman again. This fourth brilliant one would build the bridge of those three generations of actors folded into the complete 007 series. Fab four's movie posters, photographs and autographs at www.moviemarket.com.

James Bond's Parade

SET2 Year 2007
2007 is another Double-O. This year there is a long series of remarkable happenings marked by remarkable numbers!
  • The nouveau Bond fans have paid their respects in the court of His Royal Agent. Indeed, in Italy, fewer than 2m film-goers have paid more than 8m euro to view 'Casino Royale', never filmed before and launched through the Italian movie theaters on Jan. 5th 2007.
  • Meanwhile, other numbers --4 months 3 weeks 2 days-- wouved critics and audiences alike and won the Palme d'Or at the 2007 Cannes Festival Film.
  • 07/07/07 has been defined the day of planet earth and the Live Earth concert dedicated to the daily fight against the global warming. As expert on cold war Bond could go out of his skull if the global warming rose furtherly during next years. Please, subscribe to www.globalcool.org and save 007!
  • Exactly 50 years after the launch of the first Italian mass-marketed car, FIAT 500 has been revamped in order to origin a brand new car. The new version car's lenght is 355 cm, while the 1957 original model was only 297 cm long. Maybe those blue pills help car too... Will someone sight Bond on this Italian economy car as the dramatic turn of events by the next production? No, because all of which is anathema to his legendary appetite for big sporting cars. So formally the film company would answer somewhat kindly: 'Thanks, but the original Bond is 183 cm tall!'
  • Nokia has been warning customers about over 46m faulty batteries sold world-wide. Mattel has recalled 1.5 million toys because they might contain too much lead. Meanwhile Sony has recalled 416,000 digital cameras because their case may warp. Tough times for PR spokespersons... It seems if only a powerful product placement could alleviate the troubles of those giant businesses!
  • While the flames burnt dozens in South-Europe and the floods afflicted millions in Asia, the monster hurricane has moved at 250 Kmph from Carribean sea to Mexico. God save the Queen, the subjects of her and possibly 'Goldeneye', Ian Fleming's house in Jamaica.
  • Still in August --what a terrifying month!-- RAF Eurofighter jets intercepted a Russian bomber Tupolev TU-95 that was menacing the air space of Great Britain and a submarine MIR-1 dived until 4,261 meter under the Northern Pole to hammer in the Russian flag deeply. Both news are very significant in order to recall Bond in action as soon as possible...
...«'This is 007 speaking. This is an open line. It's an emergency. Can you hear me? Pass this on at once. 3030 was a double, working for Redland».

James Bond's Parade

NB. The following information is PRIVATE! It contains minimal English to save your download time.
Despite the decline of the British empire, the grapevine reported that Mr. Craig was intercepted at Palio dell'Assunta in Siena, Italy, where 14 cameras set up by Sony at that historical event have been going to shot the 22nd movie of this never ending saga. Underprivileged workers at Sony Pictures have revealed some secrets about the new movie project... The title? '2 Live Is Better Than 2 Die'. The action will get off the ground from London because the capital of the United Kingdom is well established as the original point where the circles around the world start from scratch, more precisely at Greenwich 0º meridian... The new director could be such an expert of cipher-enigmatic movies as Wong Kar-wai (www.wkw2046.com). The new soundtrack? Producers will open to a Welsh band , S.F.A. --winner thanks to its 'Rings Around The World' concept pop album,-- and leave them carte blanche to inspire the audience since the exciting headlines go off (www.superfurry.com). One limitation: the use of Theremin has been banished. Nothing else made known at present, but some bodies of evidence let us think of one or two new astonishing Bond girls. Rebecca Romjin will battle with Emily Maitlis for being the femme fatale close to 007. The second woman starts with major favours thanks to her disputed appearance at the powerhouse BBC (www.bbc.co.uk). Rosario Dawson, well trained by her presence at 'Grindhouse - Death Proof', is likely to play the character of Moneypenny, since her role will blow away because of the rising needs of Bond in terms of starting capital, life insurance, top life standard and income tax. In other words 007 will ask her to shake the enchanting moneymaker 4 this next ultimate job. Moreover newspaper Financial Times has vaguely anticipated a picture of an Italian show-girl very familiar with cell phones, who is now turning from prospect to suspect 4 a little but fundamental presence as the bad temptation Bond will resist to and shake off 4ever after a hot bathing 2gether. The main opponent will unsafely act as smooth operator from Madrid to L.A. and should be played by the former righteous wing David Beckham (a.k.a. Galactico no.23). Bond will appear a bit invidious in the final scene on that some British-Asian women, taken as hostages at the Foreign Office, will incite him with such an extravagance: 'Bend it like Beckham'!
While anticipating the coming movie, an unofficial Bond's blog reported that even Rupert Everett (as Guy M.) will come back from Another Country to spice the spy story. Even though this actor will appear throughout the early sequences only to say in a broken English: 'I've always loved Great Britain!', his character will truly help 007 defeat the SMERSH grey and lost and scarcely cruising up the Thames submarine, b4 the London's bridges collapse in a row.
4 the very first time this filmed product mix should generate at the annual Academy Awards a total of thirteen nominations, including best picture of the year, best per4mance by an actor in a leading role, best per4mance by an actress in a supporting role, best screenplay based on material previously produced, best achievement in music (original song), best achievement in product placement and marketing, and on and on and on.

(OUTRO) Finally, there is a real mystery within the movie industry. What is the secret behind the movie titled 'The 12 Chairs' directed by Mel Brooks (alias: Melvyn Kaminsky) in 1970? Why has that movie gone out of sight, out of DVD rental, out of TV late night replicas, out of summer projection at open air venues? Maybe it's just a political movie featuring a bunch of sovversive comedians, who were actually secret agents of the jewish espionage from Redland? Let's hope James Bond be saying some good words to the President --which one of two?-- for restoring that movie. Hurry b4 it's 2 late...

This page contains some excerpts from 'Casino Royale' published by the Penguin Group 2006. Read more with Penguin! (www.penguin.com

©2007 Roberto Dondi-www.dmlr.org
Bond's Parade (banner) • k®ea'ti:v • DonRo • donro@dmlr.org
Issued {Aug. 29, 2007. Short strokes {until Sep.12, 2007.